Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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