i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
