How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
