I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
