Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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