Yo dont text me then not text me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
