Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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