i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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