So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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