We're like a lot better than the average bears
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
