Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
