I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
