She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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