is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
