its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
