While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
