what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
