i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
do nipples grow back?
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