So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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