so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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