I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
