Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
