I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
