was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
