Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
