I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize