if i can run in heels then i can drive
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I smell stomach acid.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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