Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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