How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
