So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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