I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
