Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
