I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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