I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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