Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
