I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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