I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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