No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i've created a new STD.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
