guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
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you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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