Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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