did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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