So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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