I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You are a genius and a whore.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
