He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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