Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize