A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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