Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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