I just saw a hot homeless man
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
