Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
