I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
