This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
