i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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