he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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