I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
