Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
