not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
