your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
