we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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