Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
