How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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