Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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