Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
