i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
