no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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