So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
