She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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