he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
