Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
