Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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