well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
