i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
