the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize