the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
