How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
