I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
