is your mom at the bar?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
