are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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