turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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